It's been a year since the incident happened.
I started to recall what made me came back for him.
With a tired heart and mind I'm not so motivated anymore to value my love for him. Whatever he say, I'm selfish I'm no sincerity I'm stupid I'm useless I'm not doing anything.... Please.... my heart had enough cracks caused by his words and accuses I really cant see my value in his heart. What am I in his eyes?
Is all man in this world having this kind of stupid ego and tend to look down on women? I'm losing faith in man after going through all these incidents. In this world there's no man worth to love, all are three minutes sincerity. I rather stay single.
Sorry gals for telling sad story everytime I blog. I spended whole day doing things to keep myself occuspied but tears just dont listen to me, they flood my pillow since morning, afternoon, night... Dont even want to answer his call, I'm too disappointed with his attitute. And think of the days spended with him, it was always tears than happiness. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with him? What is happening between us????
I wonder why I wanted to put so much effort to make it happen no wonder how much bitter tears I swollow. In the beginning I take it as a punishment for myself, but now, it was all unfair for me to accept all his unreasonable temper. I'm not his lover anymore, just a girl who willing to stay to show how much I could sacrifice and give. He said he loves me, buying expensive things, flowers..... But what I need the most is appreciation, care, support, forgiveness, recognization!!! Not scolding, showing inpatient face, unbeatable face.... my heart totally broke on the spot!!!
The history is just rolling and rolling. He just being himself, never change after so many years. What should I ask for? Sometimes I thought wanted to give up thinking that we are just too distinct from each other that things we wanted in life are totally different and cant share the same journey.... I denied it, love can make it happen. I believed, but now I'm asking God again.... is my love big enough to continue this tears consuming battle?
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what i only can say is, be yourself! and live for yourself, not others (except those who love you very much)... give my hug to you...
ReplyDeletehai...i not really know what's the real happen to you. however, after reawding your blog, felt your negeatively thinking really bring down you motion. i know sometimes it's hard to control our emotion, but please just love yourself as much as you can. nobody know well of yourself. just listen to yourself deeply. what gotta to do??the next step you shall step out?just asking yourself.
ReplyDeletethe important is remind yourself " tomorrow would be another besutiful". anybody can give you thoudsand and million or billion careness, concern....but nobody will know well of you. because you are you. just be yourself.
looking forward your blog full of happiness and joyful.
我们一起加油改变自己！加油吧！朋友...
Gal, thanks for sharing your sadness here...u may already have an answer for yourself, maybe you just needs the guts to take action... anyway, God love you, so God granted you a lot of friends who will give u a big hug when u feel sad...and God always listen to your pray.
ReplyDeletelove you with my big hug