My experience i n MyoGa

It's always the most happening place with lots of positive spirits.

There are few instructors or classes that binded me for attending as often as I could. Derek, who chaired the balance clinic class which also my first class the first time I step in MYOGA. A slim and tall guy, with a bit of some europe o australia accented english unleashed my interest to learn about his training. With his long fringe gracefully lying at one side of his face, he never fail to makes me admire his way of enjoy the musics and doing all the challenging moves while swinging his fringe from one side to another.

Energy room is the one I LOVE the most. This room, is like a haunted room. A place where the trainer will keep screaming shouting yelling along with the moves he/ she is showing us to do. U cant stop even if u cant follow, u cant stop even tired like hell, because each time they shout ur heart will tremble like a small kid hearing ghost's cry and immediately do whatever u can! Whenever I was down stair or next to it I easily can image there's a war inside and I wonder are they killing each other...

Cycling room is also one of my favorite. With the energetic trans music I finally found a substitution for the unhealthy clubbing hobby. If u ever listen to trans ( I bealieve u do, please.) how many beats in a second is equel to how many times I cycle. I imagine myself been turned into a desperate mad ostrich running like no tomorrow, running as I wish to run back to the past, to when I was a child hugging in my parents arms. At certain point, I always felt numb on my butt which I dunno what really happened to my body. I doubt the blood in my bloody is enough, because it forgot to supply to my butt when I'm so happily cycling.

After all the torture finally I can rest for 15 mins in the steam bath. It was an horrible place for me, the first time I enter. Dim light, with the air filled with tiny droplets of steam which u cant clearly see ur toe. Wet, togther with the sound effect " Drroops... " It's exactly like resting in the huge longkang tunnel, dark and with some unknown water dropping on ur face!

Ooo~ there's lots more to tell.... about the lady with mountains on her chest....

Take a break -- KIT KAT

For a reason KIT KAT keep appearing in my mind. I need a BREAK.... and I have no idea when is the time I wanna get up again to fight in the battle of relationship. Tired of pushing myself to strive for the choice I'd made as in most of the time I keep on telling myself he was the choice I made and I must must must must stick to it and spend all of my effort to make it works.

All sorts of philosophy from friends, christian, and even what I used to insist have no effect on my heart anymore. Many say we should not stick to our feeling only and believe what has been long time being with us is the most precious. Yes, I did believe and had enough in believing. How good was it? The minute I refer my diary, the more solid answer I had in my heart that I was, I am and I would not be happy being with him.

I admit that people do change now and then, just like how I feel about myself. Perfectionist who want to achieve at 100 marks, which is the same being his girl. Bear all the responsibility and role that a girl friend shuold and shouldnt do and I thought I'm proud of myself being a GOOd girl firend. Sarcastically, I never been the ONE in his heart. Facing him I'm totally no confidence and I cant even pick it up from the ground looking at it. I hate to being a brainless person with very less value in his heart. And now you say I'm very important to you when I wan to walk away?

I couldnt think of where to find the energy again to built the our castle... I shall leave it undone. I surrender, I give up!

I just want to be a happy girl without any attachment, any insulting words.

I do, yes, I do have a choice.

Burnig heart in ssilent nights

My heart never been feeling easy since I ran away from home. There's too much I think about and there's none could come to conclusion and not even to mention action. But a very direct and simple message emerged from my heart; that I hate myself so much for running away and cant do anything about it. Coward, irresposible, selfish.... great sense of guilt arouse me from time to time. My cry progressed to scream in my car that day, wondering how could my heart is so timid and empty and sad while my head was hanging in the clouds looking at my new car my career my lifestyle which all seemed perfect. I blame myself to let mom fighting the battle alone, and I even angry at her for requesting that small little tiny f'cking fifty bucks. She looked stupid doing all the act and making excuse just aiming the fifty bucks..... to give it to him! Him, a damn good son who was so king to excite his brother sister mother father neighbour in the middle of the night with a non stop heavy metal bar hitting concrete ground super bass new age music. I nearly jump out from the window to run away from this crazy HOME. Money money money money is allllllllll he want!

I pity him once and for few times I tried to understand why he becoming worse and worse. An abandon adult who being pissed off by his whole family, no one would listen to what he say, no one would answer him with sincerity, and we are not even have a glance of him. An imbalance emotion is totally understood, as there's no one like to feel being neglected and useless. He needs supports especially from the family to stand straight again in the society, at least get a job and see what he can gain from his talent and effort. A beautiful bubble, breaks !!! Hooray!!!

Live with it, Let it go, Solve it.... thinking of what should I do... quite disturb by those emotions when think of how he continuously forcing mom and ho mom also being his puppet to threathen dad for money all the tricks and dramatic scene could really compete with those Hong Kong drama Zhu Guong Bou Hei / Tong Sam Fung Bou.

Steel my heart not to sympathy mom for what she is doing, she is really really very super wrong, no matter what's the reason. Her love is blind for his son but didn't realize his torn is hurting us. I'm sad that she allow it. She breaks my heart. And I decided to break hers too.

Y blog

People spend so much time blogging, post photos, customize the page and try the best to reveal the beautiful part ofourselves. What is your blog mean for you?





To share everythings with friends who cant meet frequently? To express feelings whenever you like without waiting for a listener to come by? To organize your thoughts when feeling confuse and blur by vomit every single idea in the mind? Just because of loneliness? Or you got nothing to do just looking for an activity to kill time? Well, may be combination of these.





My life, is very much like city life despite living in the biggest Kampung. Typical working woman who feel reluctant to go home after work, very often calling friends or colleagues for drinks movie or dinner at night. Just dont feel like spending time alone at home. Home, since when become a place people avoid to stay?





I could picture the scene a traveller typing his laptop beside the window in his apartment under the dim light, missing his family members. I say I should feeling lucky for stay together with my family every day as HOME is where everyone of us come from. Yet, how many of us do really appreciate the opportunity of able to show our LOVE instantly when they are just beside us? How much did you do to contribute in pulling family members together? I'm deeply shame realising not speaking more than ten sentences to each of them per day. And I wonder why.





The burden of the pass are too heavy to carry forward as it is truelly dragging us badly. We all point our finger to him, and her to accuse them the reason of we are not getting the warmth staying at home. Yes, I did do the same. I'm shame to bring back any friends as I' shame of him while there's also a mixture of feelings towards him. A Hate badly yet love very slightly pity greatly but angrily relationship. For years we never spend time together, not even in the living room, breakfast luch dinner wedding funeral or whatever occasion. We had broken apart, although there's only 5 of us. Believe it or not, my family's relationship with my dog is even better than relationships among ourselves.





Let me guess, you spend more time with your laptop than talking to your mom/dad? You use your hand more typing and driving much more than helping our family members?





I wonder. How the living room at my HOME could become lively again.

Cant breath in this relationship

It's been a year since the incident happened.

I started to recall what made me came back for him.

With a tired heart and mind I'm not so motivated anymore to value my love for him. Whatever he say, I'm selfish I'm no sincerity I'm stupid I'm useless I'm not doing anything.... Please.... my heart had enough cracks caused by his words and accuses I really cant see my value in his heart. What am I in his eyes?

Is all man in this world having this kind of stupid ego and tend to look down on women? I'm losing faith in man after going through all these incidents. In this world there's no man worth to love, all are three minutes sincerity. I rather stay single.

Sorry gals for telling sad story everytime I blog. I spended whole day doing things to keep myself occuspied but tears just dont listen to me, they flood my pillow since morning, afternoon, night... Dont even want to answer his call, I'm too disappointed with his attitute. And think of the days spended with him, it was always tears than happiness. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with him? What is happening between us????

I wonder why I wanted to put so much effort to make it happen no wonder how much bitter tears I swollow. In the beginning I take it as a punishment for myself, but now, it was all unfair for me to accept all his unreasonable temper. I'm not his lover anymore, just a girl who willing to stay to show how much I could sacrifice and give. He said he loves me, buying expensive things, flowers..... But what I need the most is appreciation, care, support, forgiveness, recognization!!! Not scolding, showing inpatient face, unbeatable face.... my heart totally broke on the spot!!!

The history is just rolling and rolling. He just being himself, never change after so many years. What should I ask for? Sometimes I thought wanted to give up thinking that we are just too distinct from each other that things we wanted in life are totally different and cant share the same journey.... I denied it, love can make it happen. I believed, but now I'm asking God again.... is my love big enough to continue this tears consuming battle?

Lonelyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Sometimes we feel very lonely for no reason.

No matter how much love he is giving. No matter what your friends did for you, just..... cant help with the emptiness in the heart.

Have your ever have this feeling?

Just wanna spend a night watching super old british movie alone in the room. Or sitting at the park watching sun set, although you dont really have the mood to value the beauty. Just, suddenly lost the passion to have interest to anything, or anyone. A body walking without soul, looking for the spirit that had been missing while chasing life.

Emotion sickness... I guess. Felt like artist... hee heee, stupid huh? wakakakaka... this is why we need to do stupid blog, somehow will inspired by some silly idea and laugh again :) Come la gal, blog to cure ur mental sickness!

Let your brain goes blank

Another day comes to an end. Now already 9:45pm feeling sleepy and just wanna stick to the bed BIGLY (in chinese, da = big) and mindfluxing....

He felt jealous looking at other guy's profile on the screen in front of me. I'm tired and wordless to explain anything. Without saying much he walked away silently togehter with his grumpy face. Hoping I could say something just to make the air tense, yet my lips were so heavy to move.

Came back from swimming but the headache also came back soon after I settle down. Very stressful these days, and felt unsatisfied with my colleagues. Why I am doing all the hard work while he's just enjoying the results and making people think all comes because of him. Ya, I have funny feelings everytimes he asked me to do this do that go here go there say this say that.... then he go yam cha while I'm running up and down!!! Bu gi Ma!!! Wahahaha, I found myself very garang.

Yes, pei shan u r right that sports really help a lot in releasing the stress, especially those root from work, family or relationship. I was singing Alvin n Chipmunks songs in stupid tones, screaming in the car seeing a branch at the roadside laugh out loud with silly thoughts.....

Must plan for a fantastic weekend to release stress!!!!

Evil evil evil

Was walking alone in Midvalley, no purpose but just killing time as not feeling like go back home.

Ideas crossed my mind, asking friends out for dinner, inviting colleague for movie, buying clothes, buy and straigth away change my working attire to casual baju... Yes, no doubt I was tooooooooooooooooooooooo bored!!!!



working working working..... ya.... and now what?



I believe I'm not the only one having this feeling especially after settled down. The meaning of living is keep running and turning I guess, if you stop, everything became so boring and you have no power to fight. I mean I am. I need redbull, tongkat Ali kacip fatimah, vigra, pannadol.... May be estacy huh, fat fat ;)



This is the most critical time, well, i mean most dangerous.... normally will do things without brain, something will regret.



To be honest, each time I felt moody the picture of SMOKING often was the first appeared. I dunno why, it is a temptation from evil although I never been really has the habit. Whenever I am weak I have no strength I felt like smoking. It's stupid but.... haha I felt like going clubbing though! I must be in high fever I'm so lost so sick of stressful life sick of bore life.....!!!!!!!!

I think I need Jesus....



My mind started going wild, wanna go party wanna laugh loud wanna go crazy and lost control.

Lets talk about him

It seemed simple in a man and woman relationship. Man needs woman and woman needs man, that's why we are together.



But what if one day the woman realize that she can be independant and can live with or without that man? Or in one fine day your man suddenly tell you in a light tone he dont need you anymore?



Then we think, if we dont need each other what the hell we were being together for so long?



People change, and now he had changed. The sweetest face ever smiling beside you now walking away from you, the softest hand ever is no longer holding yours... You shed no tears, but fear. Work walk talk shop eat sleep like nothing had happen... you are reminding yourself to be strong, and think there's nothing can defeat us. Yet your heart trembled with loneliness in the dark, and wonder why you could ever sleep peacefully.



Regrets, anger, disappoinment... you name it. The most terrible effect is not sad or sorrow but the lost of passion in life, the faith in people the trust in who we love. Looking at people around, colleagues, friends, relatives, siblings, parents... when you walk by them did you ever feel any sense of belonging? Could you affort to reveal every sinlge little drop of your heart say to a person?



Human being is the most lonely specious in the world.



We once thought we are the most intelligent, but why we all trap in this endless rain?

death flowers

I like death plants, especially roses in dark blood color. And has been keeping them in my room for years, since the day I received. My first rose in my life, how could I forget the person and the romance he gave?

Yeah, it's an art looking at the beauty of the death. May be that's the hidden karma osome sort of phylosophy telling why women love their man buying roses. Beautiful but short-lived. Isn't that telling what is all about the relationship?

But few days ago heard from a friend about room feng shui. This is very interesting... Are you keeping any living or death organism in your room? Fishes swimming in the aquarium, tortoise crawling under the bed, cactus on your study desk, death roses hanging at the window? Well, if your answer is YES.... I am telling you: U. R. IN . TROUBLE !!!!!


Scary huh ;)

These kind of plants or animals will harm the feng shui in your room, no matter they are alive or death. Are you finding your family were living in an environment with non stop battle of fight and arguement? Is you boyfren or galfren always stand in a opposite view and argue with each other? According to the believe it will cause harm to the harmony in a family or couple.

Well, I strongly believe this is the reason why I'm living in such a war. I'm actualy having double triple or I can say is thousand times worst than this. And now I finally know WHY!!!! Not only I keep death roses, but also death cones, seeds from tree. Furthermore, my dogs always comes in my room and sleep!!! And sometimes in the night I slap some mosquitos while they were sucking my blood and never think of where their death body were!!! OMG!!! They are haunting me as ghost mosquito!!! I cant imagine those what happen to those death ants death spiders death spider eggs that hiding beneath my bed.... I felt horrible.

Hahaha, it's funny. Yet I still believe.

It is much more easier to blame the death flowers than thinking in the night why we always argue, why we have no peace living under the same shield. It is all the flowers fault!!! So we dont need to change, just one simple step can save us: THROW IT!!!

or throw your boyfren will do ;)