Sunday morning 6/6/2010

Feeling extremely blue and a helpless in getting over the devastating moody poison.

Was staying at home going no where, initially was trying to figure out places to hang out but end up clueless. Sick of engaging with FB, youtube or any of the updates or news in the internet i just cant stand a minute sitting in front of the laptop! Here comes the frustration when i'm tired of online but no choice that's the activity i could only think of! I feel lazy, no energy, no courage, no passion, and no mood to do anything!

It has been a week he's away. Every night rushing back to home to chat online with him became the most important routine that i want to do. I miss him i wan to hear from him and i don't like to hang out late out there worrying he might be waiting.

I'm trying to find out where's the poison comes from.

I feel very lonely.

There more i believe in it the more lonely i am, especially when i relate everythings to how i was being left alone when i need help the most, just like this morning. I still quite sad i was getting into voice mail when calling dad and bro for help when i was a bit trembling to drive to police station for report. I cant blame them but i have no one else to call. In the car i prayed to GOD to calm me down so i can figure out what to do.

Somehow i feel like I should learn more about GOD to be closer to him, as he's the only one i could rely on when i needed the most. He has no body, no face, no shadow... Religion still sound more like a story or history to me. I'm still trying to really understand the word BELIEVE. Believe in family, believe in career, believe in religion, even believe in myself.

My "moodiness" was found trasnmitted to my dog. She also hide beneath the car whole morning.

God bless me n my dog.

I should restart with a new mood ;)

----------signing out--------------