rubbish FEELINGs

I had been pulling up myself from sinking quite well. The only tears falling moments were those times i'm sitting alone doing nothing. The worst, the moments driving to work and driving back home... I said i'm now living in heaven and hell at the same time, as i wonder am i getting nuts with those unnecessary stupid feelings spinning in my head.
I'm trying so hard.
When the sun taken down by the night each day, the darkness is heating my heart to evaporate all those hidden wounds. I could smell pain, I could taste how the lost is twisting over and over...
It just too heavy to carry on with these unwanted sadness. nobody reminds me about him but all the memories just appear naturally. While i was falling asleep talking over the phone i would still spit out our 'allien language' that we used to speak to each other. All my memories are with him, until when i have to bear the emptiness that he gave me?
I always thought i'm enjoying the liberated mind as i finally made up my mind to sweep all the love away. I thought i'd let them go. But why are they still deposit in some part of me?
I'm freak out each time realising might bump into him anytime at the place we used to go. Updown updown updown updown my heart beats uncontrollable.
I'm tired.
Keeping myself fully occupied until the eye lids gaining their weight to close the eyes, because the moments my mind is free it just fall into the hole filled with emptiness. I'm scared to be alone. I'm nervous to find any related objects or places or stories that can make me remember him. I'm running away from the feelings i dont even have to courage to face it.
Perhaps, keeping myself busy is one of the method that might could heal. I guess it is. I guess it's just the matter of time. I guess I'm ought to be glad that HE is there to fill my life with wonderful stories and hopes, who is there to hold me when i fall.
I guess i'm feeling better now.
I guess I will be alright.

Time will heal the broken heart, I believed.