Beautiful Garden in my heart

It's a brand new 2010 and today is my first day back to work again , after all the sleeping, writing, crying, wondering, christmass present, countdowning, clubbing in the past few weeks.

I feel so alive!!!

Especially the moment i found myself getting excited again in seeing someone special. I used to think it's imposible for me to fall for any guy again, as it was so painful and heart tearing to love someone who you would do everything as long as you could. The blood had drained dry after all.

All the stupid and funny imagination came into my mind while think the possibility of getting together with him. How i'm suppose to seduce him, how i'm suppose to test his sincerity, how i'm suppose to make him take the initiative.... Gosh! I was taking all the inviting jobs all this while! It was me asking him to fetch me to the club, I asked him for breakfast, I ASKED HIM TO HANG OUT SOMEWHERE!!! What's wrong with the flow here? How come I was so aggressive?

I think he's a nice guy. With clear defination of what he suppose and not.

I just see him differently this time, which I didnt observe when he appeared a year ago.

I've changed I guess.


Of course the worries of broke up side effects do cross my mind, I've been asking myself whether I'm just looking for a substitution for filling th blank in the corner of my heart, or falling in love because of emptiness? If so, what should be the so-called standard condition to be to fall in love PROPERLY? What's wrong if I like him because he is well planned with a great house to stay, a stable job and a stable mind?

I used to put the requirement like CHARMING, HUMOUROUS, HANDSOME, CONFIDENT and with a stable job that's all. But it's now looks stupid to me, because those are nothing if two of us do not have the same direction. A more mature relationship is needed.

I was thinking about him... wanted to let behind all the worries and see him as who he is. Life is short, I dun want to miss things that are beautiful.